“Projecting our problems onto other people”
Psychological projection is the phenomenon whereby one projects one’s own thoughts, motivations, desires, feelings, and so on onto someone else (usually another person, but psychological projection onto animals, parents, children, neighbors, other drivers, political figures, racial groups, states and countries, also occurs).
According to the theories of Sigmund Freud, psychological projection is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one “projects” one’s own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, feelings, and so on onto someone else (usually another person, but psychological projection onto animals and inanimate objects also occurs). The principle of projection is well-established in psychology.
An illustration would be an individual who feels dislike for another person, but whose unconscious mind does not allow them to become aware of this negative emotion. Instead of admitting to themselves that they feel dislike for someone, they project their dislike onto him, so that the individual’s conscious thought is not “I don’t like Bob,” but “Bob doesn’t seem to like me or I do not like that certain behavior that Bob does.”
It is “the operation of expelling feelings or wishes the individual finds wholly unacceptable – too shameful, too obscene, too dangerous – by attributing them to another”.
Projection concerns externalizing the issues that we need to deal with ourselves. Usually we project onto others issues and problems that we need to address within ourselves, or are unable to manage properly. Projection is irresponsible behavior as we dump our problem onto somebody else. We justify these projections by blaming someone or something outside for the emotions we do not want to feel. We project our disappointments and problems onto other people, it is somehow their fault, we become a blamer. Ultimately it is the person who projects that loses, as they never really sort out their own problems.
You’ve seen parents raging at their children demanding they meet requirements the parent has failed to achieve themselves. This is projection. The parent trains the child to do all the negative behaviors the parent has repressed for a lifetime. If the parent has a problem with addiction they will rage at the child until the child becomes addicted too. They see their own behavior mirrored back in the child and then rage against their own projection trying to get the child to change what they are not yet willing change and face in themselves. We try to change everything outside us when we are not willing to go inside and do the work we need to do to change ourselves. You see this with so called progressives. They try to change everything in the world rather than do their own inner work.
If a parent has repressed feelings that they have a lazy nature, they will see a hint of laziness in their child and begin to rage against this. A child will do anything it is told not to do, because it is a way of getting the parents attention, even though it may be negative behavior. Over time this negative attention feels like love to the child. They get reversed wired and begin to do passive aggressive behavior to get the attention of the parent, even though it is painful for both. To the child this negative behavior begins to feel like love.
Strong expectations concerning other people is also a form of projection. We project our own wishes, desires and aversions onto them and then become disappointed when they will not, do not, or cannot live up to them.
Classic racism is an example of psychological projection; “It’s all their fault that I feel the way that I do,” says the racist. I am a victim of another persons thoughts or actions.
Also, jealousy and resentment of others good fortune is a form of projection, “Aren’t they lucky, it never happens to us (me).”
There are techniques to overcome this:
- Recognition of this trait in ones own character is the first step.
- Finding out what issues we project is the next.
- Then taking responsibility and bring the projection back in.
- Facing the issues penetrates them and finishes them off.
5 Never Before Published Articles
Put your name and email below to receive the articles from Karl
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
This feels like a cornerstone of so many psychological problems with people (including myself – I’m not trying to project here!!
) in today’s world. It is liberating to understand this is a common trait that’s been studied extensively, so I can can work on it with myself. Thanks!!
You are welcome.
Karl
Hi Jordan,
You are welcome. Pleased that the article helped.
How can a psychological projection be associated with rumor mongering? Is this possible?
Rumor mongering is very destructive to the person confabulating and to those who listen. It is a form of self-betrayal. It is projection as it is a readout of the unconscious patterns of the person who is telling the story. Tell the person you simply have no interest in listening to what they have to say and that they should speak directly to the person that are gossiping about instead.
Karl
My husband and I have only been married a year and are on the verge of splitting up. He has picked me to death on little stuff and critizied me to the point I want to die. This treatment has put me into some terrible depression bouts. I am just realizing how much of the stuff he falsely accuses me of, are things he has problems with. After reading your article, I am sure he psycologically projects his problems onto me. We have started marriage counseling, but it seems like the more the counselors point out to him what he is doing wrong, the worse the accusations get. They are so wacky there is no truth to them. Any thoughts from you would be much appreciated. I really would like to make this marriage work, but right now I am mired in my own depression from what he is doing.
Hi Gail,
Once this level of dishonesty begins in a relationship, it is very challenging to reverse. Try to not take what he says personally, Just listen to the projections as that is good information about how he feels about himself.
Best regards,
Karl
I’ve been having some issues with one of my friends recently, as she’s been insulting me and calling me all of these things that apply more to herself than to me. My father said it sounded like she had a problem with projection, so I looked it up and found this site. My father was right; this fits her to a T. It’s actually been really helpful.
Pleased that this helped.
Karl
I’m trying to understand projection, and I believe I do understand it, but I can’t stop hurting from the projector, my husband. He was so in love with me when we first met 6 years ago, and then we married a year and a half ago. He began picking me apart. I am manic/depressive, but am taking medications and seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. My husband says that I’m a new person every day, and he all of a sudden doesn’t want to spend any leisure time with me. He also has not wanted any sexual contact with me for 6 months. He is a felon who spent 5 years on probation for 7 DUI’s. He also gave up all rights to being a father to his two children when he was charged with the felony. Now his kids don’t want anything to do with him. My husband has been in a funk for two weeks and now I find out that his son’s 20th birthday is next week. A milestone that is throwing him for a loop. My husband says such hurtful things to me like why would I want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with me. Anyway, it goes on and on, and he’s an alcoholic plus. Vodka is his cocaine as he has admitted to me. He said he would go to counseling with me this week and my therapist agreed. I love my husband very much, but he says he doesn’t believe it and that I am a bully, when actually, he’s the bully. I’m heart-sick. He told me today when I dropped him off at work today that he would take a bus somewhere to meet up with his friends after work and I could pick him up when he was ready for me to. I told him I would love to join him, but he said he doesn’t want to spend any leisure time with me anymore. Can you help me? My mother is in a nursing home in another city and we are almost ready to move her to a beautiful new nursing home here. Maybe I would be better off bringing my mother home with me, and only me, as she has never forsaken me and I love her so much. I know that counseling will help me, but I feel all mired up in this whole mess. Thank you so much.
Hello Deborah,
I usually steer clear of giving advice. What you describe is someone with very low self esteem and issues with addiction. This will not change over night. You sound very together. Life is short. Surround yourself with those you can love and love you. What you describe is projection and what he says about you first applies to him. That is how projection works.
Hope that helps.
Karl
Hi Karl, I just came accross this article and found it to be very informative and helpful. I’m trying to study all I can on this topic at the moment and thus far see Projection as a very powerful means to identify and question our own internal beliefs and general map. My question is regarding cause. I am begning to think that cause is irrelivant in that if we allow ourselves to feel anything negative that we are in effect identifying with what we believe to be right / wrong, good / bad. Putting our oppinions to one side in the post above by Deborah I can see a negative circle of projection occuring in that her husband projects onto her, – her internal map / beliefs on the situation (right or wrong) leave her feeling down / depressed in response and she then reflects / re-projects this which I assume will just exasserbate the overall negative energy loop. This is not to judge the moral ground in any way but just to take a look at the ultimate outcome. I suspect if my thinking is correct that if we can really look at anything within ourselves that we project negativly that we can identify and strengthen that which we really feel about ourselves. In Deborahs case (and this is just simply a wild guess) I would imagine that her feelings about the way that her husband is acting come from a position of making her feel weak, undervalued, disrespected (even if these are deep feelings that she may be unaware of). In my un-educted oppinion think that in this or any situation where we are lucky enougth to look at our own projections / negative feelings objectivly would sugest that rather than trying to fight cause / externally that we simply take steps (as many as we can) to strengthen that which in ourselves we feel badly about. In effect, if Deborah felt strong, in-control, valued and confident in herself then I expect that she would desisvly deal with this issue without it even effecting her allowing her to live a happier. This does not mean leaving him or neccsarily taking any specific action as this again would be pandering to the ego but to strengthen those things within that are lacking and in effect desolving the issue by simply not allowing it to be an issue, a bit like if a fly lands on your nose and takes off agin.
Hello Ronald,
At the deepest level, everything is projection. What we like and dislike in others and in the world around us is a projection from within our own psyche. The cause is the map or the internal world view that we construct. We decide what things mean. We ascribe meaning to events and circumstances. We personalize everything. The key to becoming more conscious is to observe that inner process of labeling and then to set it aside.
Another key to consciousness is to not take what others say to us personally. This requires practice as we have a tendency to take others projections as the truth. The truth is no one can make us feel anything. We decide what we are going to feel in the face of each situation.
There is nothing lacking in Deborah. We are born happy and free and then choose to ignore this and instead suffer. It is her false belief that there is something lacking that causes her pain.
Is psychological projection a common behavior associated with alcoholics?
Hello Jeanne,
Yes, it is. Alcoholics are professional victims, addicted to suffering and blame everyone else for their problems.
Hi , I thought I sufferd from BODY DISMORPHIC DISORDER only to be told that the past ten years, I have been projecting on to others. When people look at me and then put thier hand to thier face, I think they are saying I have a problem and that I am unhygienic. Is there a name for this pacific projection I am having? I know nothing about projection and I have ruined my life because of it.
Pardon me for posting anonymously, but I think the reason is obvious below.
I’m the middle-aged child of a mother with borderline personality disorder (which means I’m really good at second-, third- and fourth-guessing myself – *grin*). As children, my siblings and I were constantly accused of projection. This was in the years before anyone had even identified borderline personality disorder.
I have joined an online support group for family members of people with BPD but I often feel that the modus operandi on the group is that the person with BPD is always the one who behaves badly and that the people in the support group are never wrong. Which strikes me as exactly the attitude that was inflicted on us.
My question is, how do you know which person is doing the projecting? Using Gail above as an illustration (and not meaning to cast aspersions on her in any way), how do we know that it isn’t Gail who is doing the projecting and the misbehaving?
Thank you.
Hello Anonymous,
You know when someone is projecting when they are defensive, reactive, judgmental and/or angry. Those who are not projecting listen and have no need to defend, as the truth requires no defense.
Karl
Thank you. That’s helpful.
I, too, need to post anonymously, as you will see why.
I just wanted to say, yes, projectors tend to overreact, yell, get defensive, and judgmental is a given. BUT as someone who has gone through this with my own family, I feel that I try my very best not to project or blame. However, my family accuses me of all types of things due to mental illness. No one is there to defend for me but myself, and yes, I have had outbursts because I just couldn’t take all the damage their outrageous conclusions were causing. My mom goes behind my back and tells people (who have no right and no need to know of my medical history) for attention and to gain sympathy. This is what I deal with. It’s extremely selfish, but she doesn’t see it that way. She says, she “needs support.” Well, what about me?
So, I just wanted to add, it’s more complicated than just if someone raises their voice or not. It all depends on context. I think two key things with projection is “blame” and “being judgmental.” Those are two red flags. There are probably more, but it’s so situational it’s hard to know off hand.
Hi Karl,
Thank you very much for this post. I’ve also heard people say that one attracts the very type of people that reflect this negative projection. For example, if you think no partner will love and respect you, those are the types of people you attract. Is that true, and how does that work exactly?
I came upon the realization that all of the men in my life (brothers and father) have all pretty much left me or not respected me. I have not experienced any major trauma (thankfully!), just passive-aggressive abandonment. When I have dated men whom I really care for, I have this feeling like I’m not their priority and I feel like I should suck it up and have more self-esteem to be less dependent on someone else’s affection to make me happy. For example, if I express words, send pictures, give gifts and don’t receive it in return, I feel rejected. I do appreciate how one needs to express their needs. A request is much better than a criticism. Sometimes it’s hard or awkward to tell someone exactly what you want – it’s kind of a buzz kill if you know what I mean.
Generally, I’m an outgoing/open person, I’ll talk to anyone in front of groups; pursue opportunities; travel alone, etc. I just wonder if I’m better alone when I don’t have to deal with the consistent drips and drabs of rejection that goes with being in a relationship. I think I have deeper emotional needs and men don’t have the capacity to pick up on or fulfill for me specifically. Other women have a stronger sense of self that meshes better with their male relationships and they’re fine without hearing affirming words, receiving gifts, and other displays of affection.
Well, thanks so much. I don’t have health care insurance, so I appreciate your response tremendously:)
Best wishes,
Jess
Hi Jess,
Just wondered if Dr Karl replied to your query.
I can totally relate to what you are saying and fairly much have the same experience with men in my life. Would like to hear Dr Karls advise?
Best wishes
Jen
Hi Karl,
I feel like I might be projecting. I have always had feelings for someone I used to date, despite having other relationships after him. Sometimes, I can’t get him out of my head, and can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be with that person. I tend to romanticize the good things and find myself thinking about it a lot. It tends to happen when things in my current relationship aren’t going great. I was wondering if and how projection works in cases like this, when we project “perfection” onto someone else.
Karl, thanks for enlightening us.
I kind of knew deep down while projection was happening, that that is what they were doing, but it helped to understand it in words. There are a couple females in my family who do this (my cousin’s wife and my grandmother). It is pretty annoying actually, but I’m not sure I can do much about it, as they both have this ability to act like your BFF one minute and b****y the next. I’ve had a psychology teacher in high school explain to us (though at the time I didn’t know it was projection) that if you think someone doesn’t like you, if you act that you like them, they will usually like you back. I think this is good advice… but as your article states, projection still happens, because it is from issues that a person has not dealt with properly. No matter how much you like a person, if they haven’t dealt with these issues, projection will still manage to surface. My question is, does this mean this person doesn’t like you or never will? Obviously it’s not our fault these people have these undealt with emotions, even though they would like to make you feel that it’s you, and not them. You also can’t make everyone like you, but projection isn’t necessarily about someone disliking you. I actually believe a lot of the people I sense projecting would actually like me (and other people) more willingly if they didn’t have this “baggage” holding them back. So again, my main question is, what can we do? Can we do *anything* to help them, or even just guide them into realizing they are doing this? Will these people always have a reason to dislike you in their mind or will they realize what they are doing?
Thanks so much.
Hello Meredith,
In most circumstances the best we can do is watch with compassion, without taking the projections personally. This requires great focus, intention and patience.
Karl
Hi Karl
I found your article very useful in explaining projection. I found out about projection several years ago and it explained so much to me. I was married to a projector, she was abusive to me and I didn’t realise it for years. I ended up having to fight a to keep myself out of prison on charges of assault. It woke me up. I was assaulted by her and because she couldn’t accept that in herself, projected it onto me. I needed to find a solution, as well as divorce, as I have two children, the eldest of whom is now a screen for her projection. The only way I have found is to work on myself. Turn down the reflectivity of your own screen. This entails becoming self confident enough to trust yourself, your reality, your truth. If you don’t reflect, their projection does not work for them anymore.
However, there is a warning; The projector will intensify the power of their projection as you matt down your screen. It is temporary and will pass as they realise their projection is not elevating their anxiety. Eventually they will find other screens.
The secret is to realise that it is only you yourself who can modify your behaviour and change your screen. The projector will rarely change, as they are totally unaware of what they are doing.
Martin
Karl,
I’m currently having a study on bullying (either conventional or cyber bullying). Just want to ask if this Psychological Projection can support my study? and how can it be connected?
Thanks ahead…
Hi Karl,
I find it interesting about this article you’ve presented. Actually I’m having a study on Bullying (either traditional & cyber bullying). I’d like to ask if this Psychological Projection can support my study?I’d just need further or more elaborated way of connecting this article into my study.
Hi Derf,
Bullying is based in projection and reaction formation.
Read through all the articles on the site. It should then be clear how this all relates to bullying.
Karl
Very well written article Karl!
Hi,Karl,
I have been studying the psychological theories of Carl Jung for over 30 years as an autodidact (self-taught) person and have written a book about some of these studies, including other subjects, entitled, Nowheresville, Everywhere, Earth, with which I competed for the Pulitzer in 2009. I think the study of psychology could help us all if we do it more than cursorily.
I came upon your post because I’ve been having a running philosophical colloquy with my nephew who is vehemently and non-introspectively against many traits of the people he encounters, including others’ stupidity. I brought up the possibility that he might be projecting some of his unconscious characteristics onto the people he is irritated with and he asked me to explain this further. I did so in brief and suggested he google the term “psychological projection,” and mentioned that I would also.
I haven’t read all the responses to your post, however, it seems that you left out three possibilities with projection that at least analytical psychologists (or those who follow the school of thought of Carl Jung) believe, if psychoanalysts (or Freudians) don’t or may not. That is that we all project our inner traits on to others at some point or another and that it can be very difficult/challenging to withdraw projections. Also, there are people who are good “hooks” for our projections, in that they strongly resemble some of our traits, although it is each person’s responsibility, as you said, recognize and work with him/herself (all of him/herself!) and not to try to reform “the other.” Finally, we often also project our “gold” or our best traits onto others, notoriously onto lovers and others we idolize, especially if we don’t believe we could have such great qualities or live such a great life. In the case of lovers, we project the contrasexual or other gender side of ourselves onto our prospective mates and that is how we come to fall in love with them. If we are able to continue to love once our projections dissolve then we have a successful and lasting love relationship. If not, there’s trouble in the offing.
I also wrote an article on this called, “Saturn and the Shadow,” which appeared in the international astrology journal, The Mountain Astrologer, in their Feb./Mar. 2005 issue.
Thanks for your contribution to my further understanding of the phenomenon of projection.
Hi Donna Lee,
Thank you for posting. There is only so much one can put into a single article. We have everything we see within, both good and bad or we could not see those qualities in others, it is all projection. You cannot see it in another if you do not have it within yourself. Romantic love is the act of falling in love with our disowned selves, which we project onto another. The key is to observe what we are attracted to in another and to realize that we have what we see within ourselves. This usually requires several failed relationship before having that recognition. Then you fall in love with yourself! You realize no one can make you feel love it is an experience you have of yourself.
Karl
“Finally, we often also project our “gold” or our best traits onto others, notoriously onto lovers and others we idolize, especially if we don’t believe we could have such great qualities or live such a great life”
Could you explain this please? You said we project our best traits onto people we idolize especially if we don’t believe we could have such great qualities. But how could we project traits onto others which we don’t possess?
Wouldn’t it be simpler just to say we idolize people who possess traits we don’t possess?
Unless its like a projection of a repressed trait which we actually do possess?
We idolize people with traits we do posse and are in denial of.
Thanks Carl. I think I get it now. This explains the way I act around women I really like.
Yes, you see the best part of yourself in them and you are not owning that part. The key is to realize what you have, bring the projection back in and love yourself.
Karl
{ 1 trackback }