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The Greatest Fear

by Karl on July 10, 2010

You can only continue a round of self-betraying behavior, if
you think you’re going to get something different from that
next cycle. All addictions are self-betrayal. Defining yourself as
an object is self-betrayal.

The greatest fear is not defining yourself at all. When you get close to not defining
yourself in any manner, the greatest fear is that you will not exist. It is a strong,
deep, fear that all the conditioning is attached to, if you stop, then you will not
exist! And it is true, if you stop defining yourself, you do exist, and yet not as any
definition. You exist as who you are, undefinable, undeniable; infinite
consciousness.

Resistance to a teaching is not resistance to the teacher, it is resistance to
yourself. It is a fear of giving up the self-doubt, a type of childish behavior, an
aspect of a self definition. Because the self-doubt is a long time companion, it is a
tyrant and yet it has kept you in line, it has kept you from being too arrogant, or a
megalomaniac. You’ve seen the actions of megalomaniacs in history and there is
a fear of that behavior. There is a personal recognition of a talent for that
behavior, an affinity for that behavior. This is all part of the human makeup, the
innate human aggression, a genetic survival strategy.

There must be a willingness to give up the self-doubt, and the aggression. There
must be a willingness to stop resisting yourself, however that has taken form
uniquely for you. There must be a willingness to give up the self-doubt so that if
there is a delusion in place, running you, it can be seen, whether it be self-hatred
or hatred for others. Whatever it is, it can then be seen as you! At the core, it is
you who creates it all. If you think it is someone else that is wrong, it will be seen
at your core, it is you who is wrong. Whatever you see as wrong in others, is
where you must make the correction in yourself.

This is the challenge, to turn on the observer, and then own all of this. In this
owning, megalomania may appear. It is not to be unexpected. Hopelessness,
powerlessness, sadness, whatever is being hidden will appear, it is only in the
owning that it can be seen. Whatever is seen, it is seen for the suffering that it is,
the absurdity that it is, you stop, and the suffering is no longer followed as a
practice. Whatever is not seen, is practiced and followed unconsciously,
subconsciously. Suffering must be practiced. Anything you do to avoid suffering
is a practice that will bring on more of the same. Left unseen we have this inner
battle, a play between self-doubt and arrogance, ego and super-ego, and deeper
than all of that, closer than that is the truth. The truth is closer than any suffering
or self-definition. I invite you to stop suffering. The truth requires no practice.

In all traditions, this teaching was kept secret until you had proven that you were
not a megalomaniac, and that you had a certain level of maturity. This
information requires a high level of responsibility, as this can be used as a
medicine or a poison. Whatever you are thinking, it is either ego or superego. The
truth is closer than any thought. The invitation is to recognize yourself as the
truth. And then recognizing the lies as they appear against this background of
inner truth, the temptations as they appear, the elaborate explanations and
justifications for the temptations as they appear; now with the capacity to choose
the truth. When the binding to the story around resisting the truth and seeking
the truth is cut, then there is an opening, there is freedom, happiness, infinite
open space. Happiness cannot be practiced, it is your innate condition. You must
be willing to face the fear of your ego disappearing in the stopping of the
self-definition, in order to experience the freedom of your true nature and true
self.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephen December 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

I stumbled across your site while trying to learn more about psychological projection. This article made my eyes water. I’m definitely going to re-reread it around the holidays when I have free time.

Your article has helped me realize that I go to great lengths to avoid pain, especially the immediate pain of accepting what my addictions, fixations, and lies have cost me and will cost me if they continue. I would say I wish I could say I was ashamed of the ways these negative habits have hurt others, but I’m not to that point yet, because I’m fearful of accepting that I’ve harmed others.

In general, avoiding awareness, avoiding sharp emotions, has become my way of life. I make the sort of choices someone makes who doesn’t experience life as if were real. The fact is, I DON’T usually experience life as if it were real. For once, I want to be able to feel “present,” if you will…to be able to touch something and accept its existence. I’ve been living in the clouds for such a long time that I barely remember what that’s like. So I’m really intrigued by your belief that “happiness is…[my] innate condition.” If I let myself accept reality, let myself live in it, instead of whatever self-protecting existence I’ve laboriously created in my head, I think I would feel so much joy.

I don’t want to be on my deathbed and realize I forsook the precious experience of “living” in order to avoid pain.

Thank you for your post!

Reply

Karl December 5, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Hello Stephen,

Brilliant self-observations. Beautifully stated. Once we leave this reality, we would give anything to come back to feel even the most intense pain. The joy of life exits in the beauty and fulness of the experience of each and every moment.

Welcome home!

Karl

Reply

Rob January 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

Like most psychobabble this passage can be summed up in 5 words.

Don’t dream it: be it.

Reply

Vicki July 31, 2012 at 11:29 am

For Stephen – I read your post and wanted to say way to go – just understanding that there is a different way is half the battle … keep it between the lines and continue to pursue educating yourself about these things and you will be your best … Vicki PS: great article Karl!!!

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